Candice - Welcome back to all our listeners. And Hello, Gail! Hello, Ines!

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: Hello!

Ines Gaston: So Hello!

Candice - Your Social Funnel: We are really fortunate. Given the nature of our podcast which is all about grit, determination and resilience to have ines with us today, I don't actually know Ines. It's the 1st time I'm meeting her. But Gail and Ines know one another, and Ines is a resilience expert. Gail, do you want to tell all our listeners a little bit about how the 2 of you know each other, and we'll go from there.

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: Sure. So amit in this.

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: I think, last year, or could even have been the end of the year before, and we work together on pulling her program into Kajabi. As you guys know, I am a Kajabi expert. And in essence I just connected because she runs a program and it's called unstoppable.

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: And it is all about resilience. And yeah, I just really loved working with Aness. She's really easy to work with. She does all the homework that I asked her to do. And she launched and she launched very successfully. And so when Candace and I started doing the podcast you know. And we were looking at for guest experts. I just thought straight away of Venice, because she is not only

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: sort of on the. I don't even know in this how to explain it. You've got the whole medical background. So you're not just like a life coach or somebody who has done resilience themselves. But you've got all the science and all the medical and everything behind it. So I'm going to let you explain exactly all of that. So would you love to tell us a little bit about yourself.

Ines Gaston: I would love to thank you so much, ladies, for this warm welcome. I feel very welcome on this podcast I'm excited to share what I know about resilience. So

Ines Gaston: my background is very straightforward. I'm a clinical psychologist. That's basically my academic background. But I also worked in corporate for a bit. And since I think it's 8 years now, I've been teaching entrepreneurs and companies on how to increase their performance. And obviously the one thing that leads to that is resilience. And there's a whole

Ines Gaston: beautiful set of science and skills and nuggets behind that, not only like what is resilience, but also how do we build it? And how do we make it last? Because it's not just like a 1 stop thing that you just take in and then run with it. It's really just something that you can practice. And you have to practice on a daily basis. So that's basically what I do. And when I'm not teaching. I am helping people transition. So

Ines Gaston: I'm a bit of a crisis manager in that regards. And I run an online practice. And that's what we do.

Candice - Your Social Funnel: Amazing, amazing. So I love that you said, like the science and the skill I love learning about like the neuroscience, like what happens in your brain. And and I think like so in it. Actually, I call it like my previous life. But I was also a clinical psychologist and and when I was, you know, when Gail and I were chatting kind of like in the build up to this episode. And I was like, Oh.

Candice - Your Social Funnel: you know everyone's like, what is resilience? Resilience is your ability to bounce back. And she said, No, no likeness is a far deeper understanding of like what resilience is, you know. So maybe that's a good place to start. Maybe we can start with like what is resilience and a little bit of like the science and the skill behind resilience building.

Ines Gaston: All right, all right, buckle up. I'm very passionate about this about yay.

Ines Gaston: So stop me at any time. All right. So for me, basically the way that I approach resilience. And the way that I teach it is that resilience is 1st and foremost, it's a skill. Okay, so what does that mean? It's very. It's very simple. When we grow up in a very protected environment, we are not going to learn

Ines Gaston: how to become more resilient. It's through adversities, through challenges that we build that skill. It's the same when with every skill, you know, riding a bicycle, you can read about it on how to ride a bicycle, but you know the proof of the putting is in the eating, they say so. It's really just putting yourself on that bike and riding that bike and then figuring it out along the way, knowing what you know. But then putting that into practice. And that's basically the sweet spot.

Ines Gaston: So you can read a thousand books and know like, yes, indeed, resilience is about bouncing back. But what that looks like for you as an individual is very context dependent. And this is something that a lot of people underestimate. And so depending on the context where you are in, you're going to be invited. And you're going to be asked to tap into certain skills that maybe you haven't trained before. And then you have this

Ines Gaston: sense of discomfort. You know what we call problems right? Like, maybe it's low mood, or it's frustration or it's anxiety. But these are all moments in time where you are being invited to tap into things that you still need to learn in order to not overcome them. But, like, learn your way through them like navigate that wave.

Ines Gaston: and for me that is the sweet spot of resilience. So it's a skill that you build, and it's built on experience by moving through adversities and just looking at life and looking at resilience from that point of view, is also very comforting.

Ines Gaston: because many of us, you know, we we carry labels like, Oh, I have depression, or I have anxiety, or my business is not going very well, or it's not working the way that I want it. And then we have a tendency to take it all in like we internalize it. Oh, I'm the problem whilst it's not. It's just an invitation for you to figure out this.

Ines Gaston: You know, this journey, where you are being invited to tap into things that you haven't done before, in order to learn from it and move forwards, and then along the way, teach it to other people.

Candice - Your Social Funnel: So in it, yet.

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: Carry on 10.

Candice - Your Social Funnel: Can you? No, no, go for.

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: I was gonna say, that is very comforting, because I feel like in the online space where a lot of our listeners will be coming from.

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: but we have to tap into these kinds of feelings a lot, you know. As you were saying so, if your business isn't going very well, you internalize it, and it's kind of like, well, what am I doing wrong?

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: You know, if somebody says no to a launch that you've, you know, like poured your heart into then you like. Oh, what did I say? What did I do? Am I not good enough? Is it not good enough so I love that. You say that it's an invitation, and I love that. You say that it's something that you can practice and put into practice and do.

Candice - Your Social Funnel: And.

Ines Gaston: Yeah, yeah, that's what it is. And and I think it's also good for people to remind

Ines Gaston: themselves of that as well. Because nothing is forever, and everything is is, you know, it's a moment. And it's context dependent.

Ines Gaston: And within that, within that framework you as a human, you can learn you can. You can make a choice. You decide how you want to show up, and that does not mean that I'm going to tap into the let's thrive and be like happy all the time, because that's too much pressure, right? It's also just embracing those moments and saying, like.

Ines Gaston: you know, the example that you just mentioned Gail like, especially when you have an online business. And you put your heart and soul into it. And you know you're working towards that deadline you're working towards that lounge. There's a lot of momentum. There's a lot of like expectations, and then bam. The results are not what you expected them to be. But then just acknowledging that the results are not what you expect it to be. That doesn't mean that it's you who necessarily did something wrong but also

Ines Gaston: acknowledging and embracing the fact that it's okay to feel bad about it because you care. You genuinely care about your business. You genuinely care about your results, and that is then what the rejection and the frustration is all about.

Candice - Your Social Funnel: So, Inez, just getting back to kind of your first.st

Candice - Your Social Funnel: But do you feel like people? So so am I hearing correctly that you don't feel like people are born with resilience. It's it's something you develop

Candice - Your Social Funnel: based on what you are exposed to, what you are taught, and that is kind of the birth of this skill that you, you then will constantly have exposure to right. Because I love what you said. It's like exposure to adversity is what actually builds resilience right?

Ines Gaston: Exactly.

Candice - Your Social Funnel: And so like you cannot. I always feel like you just cannot be an online business owner.

Candice - Your Social Funnel: If you don't have tough black skin, you have to have like tough skin, because it's never going to work. The way you think it's going to work. And actually, what you're saying is that that's actually a good thing, because it's going to invite you to develop this very important skill which is to be resilient.

Ines Gaston: Yes, exactly. And resilience. It's it's a skill. It becomes also a lifestyle.

Ines Gaston: Because if you don't look at your skill, you know, if we look at resilience as a skill. Then there are certain habits. There are certain routines. There's a certain structure that you need to maintain. It's the same when going to the gym. Right? If you go to the gym and you go 6 days a week, you know, for a fact, you're going to get a certain result. You will see your body change. You will see your energy levels change, etc. The same goes with

Ines Gaston: building that resilient skill. If you want to be very resilient. Then you need to be. You need to tap into certain skills. You need to tap into a certain habit you need to tap into. You know, courage. You need to tap into feeling scared. You need to tap into learning to trust yourself. You need to really monitor your energy. You need to monitor your environment. And that's basically all the things that you're going to learn

Ines Gaston: like, know who your friends are, know who you can rely on. And that's basically how we build it. It's different elements compounded into this beautiful

Ines Gaston: skill sets that we would call resilience. And what that looks like is very, very individual and is also context dependent. Because what I'm struggling with sometimes, if you look at the online space is, I love the fact that people teach, but sometimes they try to sell us something that is like, you know, follow these 6 steps for better resilience while it's like, but that's not going to work

Ines Gaston: right? So you need to 1st look at your context. What is your context, you know. And then what's your blueprint? And how is that context tapping into that blueprint. What are your triggers? And then based on that? What have you learned so far, or what are still in the way? And so and this is basically what I teach. It's going like a layer deeper by focusing more on the dynamics

Ines Gaston: instead of the results. So yes, the result will be a better resilience. But we 1st need to understand the dynamics and what that looks like for you, so that you can build the necessary things and learn the necessary things to give you that resilience.

Candice - Your Social Funnel: Right.

Candice - Your Social Funnel: I mean, I think as you're speaking, what, what where my mind is going is is like

Candice - Your Social Funnel: almost like, if we did a little like hypothetical, like kind of case study, you know, like someone who's lived their whole life and like everything's just come to them easily. And they've never really had to like, fight or like grind, you know, and then decide, okay, hey, I'm gonna start this online business.

Candice - Your Social Funnel: And it's like the 1st time that, like the pieces of the puzzle, are just like not fitting together.

Candice - Your Social Funnel: That could be quite a traumatizing experience. Right? Because I suppose what you're saying is like their context. Their exposure to things hasn't been kind of what someone else might have been with someone who's just used to having to work really hard for things and has had

Candice - Your Social Funnel: more difficult experiences in their life. So that 1st time, where it's like, this is not happening the way it's it's always happened in my life. This is so hard like you. You might find that that person's gonna struggle a lot more than the person who's just used to having to work hard for things right? Am I hearing correctly? Is that what you mean by context and dynamics? Or can you refine it a bit more for us.

Ines Gaston: Yeah, I hear what you're saying, and I understand, although I feel it's a little bit too black and white. I do believe that people who have had it easy also have had the ability to tap into other skills that other people couldn't have. For instance, learning to outsource quicker learning the game of money better, you know. So people who are

Ines Gaston: they can have those skills. And people who worked hard does not necessarily mean that they are more resilient, because in the end the difference between the 2 is, how are you going to show up when faced with adversities? Right? So even if I would have like a very if I would have a background where I had to work hard all the time. There will be moments where I was successful

Ines Gaston: and really tapping into that, and holding on to those that is going to help me move forward. And the same with somebody who comes from a very protected background, for instance, who didn't have to have these challenges, but who was thought? You know, the the mindset of being grateful and understanding that challenges are here to teach you something

Ines Gaston: that person could equally be resilient. It's really, it really comes down on

Ines Gaston: the meaning that you give things. And that's what I for instance, that's what I say to students as well, like a lot of people complain. Young people say like, Oh, I don't know if university is my thing, because we don't teach anything. And then I really reply with, Yeah, but university is not about what you're going to learn. It's character building.

Ines Gaston: Because, you know if I look at my personal backgrounds. University for me was was tough, like my academic courses were easy, but everything that had to do with statistics was really really difficult, and I failed over and over and over again until I didn't.

Ines Gaston: And so every time that I now struggle, every time that I doubt myself. I go back to those moments where I was this close of giving up and giving up on my masters, you know. And I said, No, I'm just going to pull through. There's a law that says if you stay consistent and you believe in yourself, you're going to make it. And eventually I did. It took me 4, you know, 4 terms. But I did it. And so that's basically what resilience is about as well. It's really understanding the context that it is. It's it's how you give meaning to things.

Ines Gaston: Where you make a difference.

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: And in this just listening to you there?

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: So you were talking about habits, or like what? So what are some things

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: that our listeners, who are mostly online entrepreneurs. What are some things that we could do that would build that skill of resilience like, I know that you've got to keep on showing up, and but like sometimes that's so hard because

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: you've got that whole. Nobody cares or no. I put out this stuff all the time, and nobody can. Just we talk about it all the time. No, like shares, comments, you know, like you feel like sometimes in this digital world. You just shouting into the void like, how do you keep? What sort of habits

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: can you can we tap into that? Can keep, you know, can help us to build this resilience.

Ines Gaston: Okay, so the most basic one, the most general ones, the most abstract ones. I'm going to give you 3. The 1st one is making sure that you have a practice that helps you stay aware. And what I mean by that a lot of us

Ines Gaston: lose ourselves in this illusion. The harder I work, the more or the better my results will be. And in a way, yes, that's true. The more you put out there, the more that you experiment the more feedback you're going to get. But

Ines Gaston: in doing so you need to ask yourself, how are you showing up? And so, as an entrepreneur and an online business owner. It's very important that you kind of have key habits, and maybe a structure that helps you to understand where you are on that day.

Ines Gaston: And what I mean by that is, we're we're humans, we we feel we will feel more vulnerable one day compared to the other. And so it's very important that we understand. If we start our day, where are we? Am I at 100%? Or am I at 20% today?

Ines Gaston: And we have lives, we have kids, we have partners, we have families, we have friends, you know. It impacts us, especially when you're in the business of service, which means that you care. You want to make a change. So that also means that that's who you are. And so you care for the people around you. So, for instance, my personal practice is that I always start my day with an exercise. It depends where I'm at in the world because I tend to travel a lot, but I always do this, and I do this religiously.

Ines Gaston: I don't cut back right. And so the reason why I exercise I exercise not only because I become my own pharmacy, because we all know that exercise is very good for your brain and for your health and whatever, but also it gives me feedback. It gives me data that lets me know. Where am I? If I've had? If I've been putting too much pressure on myself, for instance, let's talk about a launch.

Ines Gaston: You have these high expectations so obviously that has an impact on you. Well, then, I'm not the best at exercising. And then, I'm reminded, like you need to chill out. You need to be a little bit more kind to yourself. You need to be a little bit more compassionate, or if I'm really, really tired and I'm not, I'm not there. Then I need to be very honest with myself, and this is where you make a key difference. And look at my calendar and say, Okay, I've got 20 things to do.

Ines Gaston: you know, but I'm only going to do 5 because I need a nap, or I need to take myself for lunch, or I need to take myself and meet a friend, you know, and I think it's allowing yourself that flexibility and using data using exercise, for instance, as a way of gathering that data, that you make a big difference. So that's 1 because it will help you

Ines Gaston: understand where you're at. And I always teach my clients. Self awareness being aware of certain things, is 60% of the work. And it's a very powerful tool.

Ines Gaston: The second part, what I find is very underestimated and so freaking. Powerful is your emotions, and I know it's very controversial sometimes like, oh, my God! There she goes! A psychologist talking about feelings. But the thing is, it's not just about what you feel, because if you look at feelings, and this is the key. The key difference is.

Ines Gaston: your emotions are always going to teach you something about what you need. They're messengers. There are no such thing as negative emotions, it doesn't exist. So if you're angry, or if you're frustrated, or if you're sad, or if you're depressed or you feel lonely, it means that there's a need behind it that is being unmet. And then it's your job to understand. Okay, what is that need? And then go and get what it is that you need in order to fulfill that need. So that's my second component. And the 3rd one

Ines Gaston: is really understanding. And I think this is the the biggest one for online course. Creators is understanding why you do it all. So a lot of us can lose ourselves in our in our business. But we need to remind ourselves that our business is a means to an end. It serves

Ines Gaston: a bigger lifestyle, and sometimes when we feel that our business is is eating us because we have that feeling sometimes that you're like what the F, but it's understanding, reminding yourself like, what's my bigger, what's my bigger. What's my bigger goal here? It's not just about your why? Because your why is again business related. But it's really like you've decided to become a business owner, because you have a certain lifestyle in mind.

Ines Gaston: and then it's very simple. If you're not happy with that lifestyle, then you need to very, very much have a confrontational conversation, or an honest conversation with yourself, and saying like, am I doing the things

Ines Gaston: so that I can have the lifestyle that I want, and often we forget it because we care about our business and we want to be successful. But you know, when we feel that we're stuck in that. Then tap out for a bit and ask yourself, are the activities that I'm doing. The week that I'm planning is this adding to the lifestyle that I had envisioned for myself. That got me into business in the 1st place, like, yes, we need to hustle. We need to grind all that jazz, but business often is also seasonal.

Candice - Your Social Funnel: Can you just help make the link a bit clearer? So you're saying like, kind of check in with yourself, and be self aware. Know where you are, acknowledge how you're feeling, and then tap into like. Is this aligning with what I envisioned?

Candice - Your Social Funnel: How do those 3 components link to resilience? Can you make that a little clearer for us, and.

Ines Gaston: Yes, yeah. So I think resilience is really so. This this is so beautiful. Because now I can talk about, you know, a lot of us think that being resilient is being strong.

Ines Gaston: right? And that is, that is a big lie. Because what does that even mean being strong?

Ines Gaston: You know a lot of us think that's being strong. It's like, Oh, let's be superwoman, you know. Let's be superman, and let's you know, if you hit me, I'm still not going to fall, I was like, well, that's not the point. The point really is to grow roots within yourself, so that when the storm hits you. You don't fall over.

Candice - Your Social Funnel: Okay. But.

Ines Gaston: A lot of us think that being strong is like this massive tree that does not move when there's a storm. No, it's not. It's really moving with the storm, which means that you will have days where you're going to feel like an absolute failure. And that is okay, because it's part of your process. And it's through understanding those feelings that you're going to learn. Okay, what do I need to do in order to

Ines Gaston: move forward a lot of us avoid or are very judgmental towards ourself. When we feel like a failure, when we feel down, when we feel depressed, when we feel anxious, you know, but it's actually those moments that are going to teach you what you need in order to move on. Success is the worst teacher. So if you're somebody who's always like happy Jappy, joyful.

Ines Gaston: Something's off because it's not natural. You have to go through it all of it so, and the more you open yourself up, and you have to as an entrepreneur. I mean, if you are afraid of vulnerability, don't go into business at all. It's not going to work. So for me to link those 3, I mean, there's plenty, many more. They're like 9 or 8, but I think those 3 are like quick fixes when you're struggling, or when you're having a bad day.

Candice - Your Social Funnel: Yeah, that makes total sense. Yeah, so.

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: Sorry. Carry on, Ken.

Candice - Your Social Funnel: No, I think that links back to like that previous example where I was like someone who's always had it easy versus someone who's used to things being a bit tougher, and I think

Candice - Your Social Funnel: what you said is, it's it's not, you know. Both both have their place in developing the components of resilience. And it's really about, how do you react when these things happen right, and that if you're self aware, and if you are in tune with how you feel, and you can tap into some kind of like.

Candice - Your Social Funnel: Am I getting swallowed up, or do I still have like the bigger picture? And can I adjust, and all that stuff? It's that when the storm hits that you don't drown, you know. You might swallow some water. You you might get swept up a bit. But it doesn't annihilate you, you know. And yeah.

Ines Gaston: Exactly, and it will make you a stronger swimmer.

Candice - Your Social Funnel: Yeah.

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: And unless again, so just for our listeners and for for us as well. So if you are finding so, maybe you, you and I'm talking from experience. It's 1 of our past episodes, you know my launch last year in July, which I'm actually gearing up for another one. I girded my loins. And I'm gearing up for another 2 actually.

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: so so what are some of the things that online business owners can do?

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: She like

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: get going again. So what what I learned from my last launch is. And actually, it's quite funny when you, in the moment your launch seems like a failure, because you set an expectation.

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: And, in fact, what happened in my launch was the complete realistic results that online business owners can expect. And, in fact, when we looked back at it. It was really a really good launch, but in the time, you know, you've set an expectation of 10 people to join, and one person joins, or 15 people to join in my case, and 3 people join. So like.

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: how do you? How do you pick up from there? I know what I did, which was quite helpful, is I gave myself like, I don't know 3 days of just moping around the house like blaming everything else. Kajabi's email delivery, you know. Blah blah. And then I was just like, Okay, enough moping. But

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: what are some things that people can do if you have any ideas, you know, to get back and get going and get back to kind of where you're feeling. Okay again, to carry.

Ines Gaston: Well, I think the 1st question that you need to ask yourself is like, did you feel that those 3 days? Do you feel that that was a waste of your time.

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: No, I I don't think I felt it was a waste of my time, because I had. My expectation was that even if I got one person I would run the program so like that. Wasn't that wasn't

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: what I thought. I think

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: think for me, it's it's it's being able to disconnect that personal feeling of rejection with what you were saying earlier, which is even in your and that actually made so much sense for the 1st time ever when you were saying, is that my online business?

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: It's just like a store. It's not me. My, my offers and my products are things that you could sell at a store. But somehow, because it's online, it's just so much more personal like that. That was a big Aha moment for me as you were talking earlier. So I think that is it for me. It's like

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: when people say no, and you know you try and tell yourself like I always say to myself, Okay, and no is not a no, and no might just be not now might just be, not the right time might be. No, not this, but something else so like you. Tell yourself that, but it's still very difficult to disconnect yourself from that, so I didn't feel like I wasted time. But I did feel like, you know, I did feel that rejection. If I

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: if you can say that, yeah.

Candice - Your Social Funnel: So just for our listeners, because we were chatting just before we like pressed record on on our episode, you know. Just kind of like catching up. And and so I'm not even sure if that was on this recording. But in this, maybe you can go over that with people like how you were explaining to Gail. It's like you have a you have your personal brand, but then you also have your business, and if they somehow get mingled in with rejection, maybe. Can we just go over again? And then you can.

Candice - Your Social Funnel: Yeah.

Ines Gaston: So, if I remember correctly, it was like, How do we deal with rejection? Meaning, how do we deal with? You know we have these expectations, and then these expectations. The results are not what we anticipated. And so, because clients will decline. So they will reject your offer. And that's what it is, it's. And so there's 2 components on the one hand, and it's very. It's a fine line, because it's very confusing. Why is it confusing? Especially as online business owners. And I'm

Ines Gaston: one of them is, the whole game of marketing has become very much related to personal branding. We're not selling the products anymore. We're selling us, you know, people want to work with us. So it's normal that

Ines Gaston: and everything that we do. We do it. You know, we're very. We take it very personal.

Ines Gaston: But so and and it's a good thing, because that gives us also like, it's the energy that we put out there. And we really want to help people, and that is what people find attractive in our offers. It's because of what we as a person do. But then, when we get rejected, we need to remind ourselves. Listen. This is not because of me, but it's just because it's not the right time for them or anything. And that's when you need to have that awareness and that

Ines Gaston: that muscle power where you're like. Okay, this is an experiment. Every launch is an experiment, and the experiment will give you data. And then it doesn't mean that you have a bad product. It means that, look at the data. Look at you know why people are not buying and just keep going, because your goal is to impact people as much as you can.

Ines Gaston: and sometimes you will have a good harvest, and sometimes you will have a bad harvest, but it has nothing to do with you. But again, I'm not a marketing expert, but that for me, is where it it really, it's a fine line, because you care, especially when you're service providers. So on the one hand, you have, don't take it personal, and you should never take anything personal in business.

Ines Gaston: I can't take anything personal in my line of work as a clinical psychologist, you know, I'm also just a mirror, and I had to learn. And it's what you said. Candace, like thick skin.

Ines Gaston: thick skin is really just understanding, like, Hey, I'm a human. I'm going to be

Ines Gaston: impacted by the behavior of other people because you're interacting with them, which you as a person are interacting with them. But in the end it's not because of you that they're not going to buy. It's

Ines Gaston: different context factors. So I think that's number one. And the second one is. And this is what I mean by context. So you have this launch, and then you get rejected by maybe a client that made you assume otherwise. So then you, as a person are being rejected. That's how you feel. And then that is going to teach you something about okay, what? What is so triggering? Then for me, why do I feel so down because of it? And it's a normal reaction.

Ines Gaston: But also that is something that you can learn, as in like some people are more sensitive to rejection compared to others, and I think it then is a personal journey of asking yourself what what is so difficult for me when it comes to rejection.

Ines Gaston: and that's a bit the therapy, then, that you do with yourself, or maybe with a therapist, is like, where in my life have. I felt rejected, because maybe that's a core wound of yours. Maybe you grew up in an environment that didn't see you for who you are and didn't acknowledge you for all your talents, and so obviously, when you are put in a context where you then are being rejected, or at least you feel that way

Ines Gaston: that just takes you back. That's also how your brain works, you know. And then it's interesting to know

Ines Gaston: to be aware of that. You will not change it because it's who you are. But it's part of your arsenal of triggers that you know that you have a certain vulnerability or a certain relationship with rejection.

Ines Gaston: And then you can. You can find the tools. And that is why therapy is so freaking, powerful. You create the tools that you then need to reparent that part of yourself so that it doesn't have to impact you as much. And you're still going to be impacted because I think it's it's not realistic to say that you become immune to rejection, because that would also not be healthy, because then we would, you know, that would make you a bit of a sociopath

Ines Gaston: so

Ines Gaston: rejected is actually positive because it shows that you care. It shows that you have empathy, and it shows that you really want to make a difference, and that you're highly motivated and engaged with your audience. But you know that part where it becomes really personal. That's something that you can work through, and that you can learn from.

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: So it is that that's awesome. And I I get everything that you've said. And yeah, it's really good. I'm sitting here in my own private therapy session with 2 therapists.

Candice - Your Social Funnel: And.

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: So so. What? What do you have? Some practical strategies or practical things that people could do, you know, if they're feeling down from a rejection, or they're feeling anxious about a result. You know. What? What would you suggest? We do? I know my default is to

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: get up out of my office and go out for a walk. We're very fortunate to be here with lots of plantations and open areas. But what are some of the ways that people can actually yeah sort of calm themselves down and get back to that.

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: I wouldn't say normal, cause I'm not sure that any of us are really normal. But like back to being able to.

Ines Gaston: Yeah.

Ines Gaston: so there is not like, I can't reply with like practical things. But what I will say is hopefully something that people can reflect on, and then maybe find their way through. And that is the way that I teach it is that your reality is a reflection of who you are.

Ines Gaston: And so when you're struggling with moments where you feel down or you question your business, and you question yourself, which is totally normal. And Hello! If you're launching. That's part of the existential way in launching. So don't be afraid that you go through that you're going to go through that every freaking launch. It's going to happen.

Ines Gaston: But the good thing is that by being aware of these feelings and having the courage to face them, you're going to teach yourself you're going to learn something of how you look at yourself.

Ines Gaston: And one of the things that not many entrepreneurs talk about is this sense of identity. So I used to work as an example. I used to work with startups. And so you had these like, for instance, 3 crazy guys, they had an idea. And it became a booming business, and then they struggled. They all struggled with anxiety and panic attacks because their sense of identity was not matched with the responsibilities that they had to have

Ines Gaston: right. And so when you're feeling down, or when you have, you know when you feel this, this feeling of rejection.

Ines Gaston: it says something about your inner dialogue and your beliefs, about yourself, and about your business and beliefs about. Do you think that you deserve it? Do you think that you can do it, you know, because these are all the beliefs that are going to be triggered when a launch fails because you're immediately going to be. Oh, yeah, it's because of me. Yeah, I'm not good enough. I have this.

Ines Gaston: Yeah, it's just me. And I need to become better. And then a lot of people will overcompensate, and then they are on this trail towards exhaustion, and then burnout happens right.

Ines Gaston: and the smart ones are going to be like right. This is where I call my therapist, and we just chat for an hour, and I need to learn about this because I am freaking, triggered I am. I'm going through an existential face. Right now. I question everything about my life. And let's just learn from this. And it's just really embracing that because what we need to be careful of is that we

Ines Gaston: we're so trained in our society to be so. Result driven and performance driven. But it doesn't work that way.

Ines Gaston: It doesn't work that way. It's really about going from momentum to momentum. And let's face it. It's when we feel low that we are learning things that we otherwise would not have been exposed to. So. And it's part of that process. So I don't have the tools, tools, you know. I wish I could say like, just do these 5 steps. But.

Candice - Your Social Funnel: I don't care.

Ines Gaston: That I don't believe in that. I'm going to invite your your beautiful audience to just sit with the discomfort and figure out what resources you can tap into in order to release yourself from that discomfort, because the lesson is there.

Candice - Your Social Funnel: Oh, Amen. Oh, I love it.

Candice - Your Social Funnel: Okay, I also don't believe it. We it's not like.

Candice - Your Social Funnel: just do these 6 things, and you'll have viral. It's like, Oh, my God, it just like doesn't work like that. You know, Ines, I just love that you.

Candice - Your Social Funnel: I think the feeling I have listening to is like this.

Candice - Your Social Funnel: Okay, let's just be like, let me just be curious about things. Let me explore them. Let me try help myself, so that I don't get taken out by things knowing that, like I'm a human being. And I have all these experiences and all these feelings, and that all sits in me. And of course

Candice - Your Social Funnel: it's gonna get triggered, and and you know, but it doesn't have to take me out, you know. So it's it's like you you really have this incredible energy where it's more like, it's okay, you know. Just be curious about your experience. Be willing to explore it, be self aware. Let yourself feel all the feelings and just learn like, how can I use that? So that I can just keep going, you know, which is amazing. And yeah.

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: I'm just sitting here having a quiet giggle to myself, because Candace and I talk about this often, and and I think what I've learned from chatting with cans and just becoming more self-aware. You know what I never grew up with with understanding what self-aware was until I had 2 daughters, one of whom is very self aware, and just like blows my mind a lot. But but

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: I've realized that I do some avoidance behaviors and Candace and I laugh about this all the time because

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: I am Candace's rebranding sponsor. When Candace wants to rebrand her whole site and burn everything down, she has to phone me, because that's how she avoids doing what she needs to do. And I have my own avoidance behaviors. I can scroll on social media. I'll be typing on my keyboard here doing something that is making me uncomfortable. And I will reach for my phone to go onto social media. And I'm like.

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: why. So. So

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: I wondered if you could chat about like is that is that part of our brain trying to keep us

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: safe like.

Ines Gaston: So is that part of the whole thing?

Ines Gaston: Yeah. Oh, this is so beautiful. Okay, now we talk about my second passionate project, and that's the brain. So okay, so I'm going to give a few nuggets, because what you just described is exactly what it is. Your brain is always going to take you away from pain and towards pleasure, and where you then make a big difference, is, what are you associating with pain? And what are you associating with pleasure, because your brain doesn't know what's good for you. Your brain only knows what you associate with pain and what you associate with pleasure.

Ines Gaston: and sometimes we can sabotage ourselves right? So something good happens to us, but we feel that we don't deserve it. So in our brain it's going to be pain. So we're going to sabotage it because we don't want this. So we're going to push it out right. And then sometimes we do feel pain, and then we don't want to sit with that pain.

Ines Gaston: And so we're going to avoid it. And in a way, it's not a bad thing, but it becomes a bad thing when you get stuck in it.

Ines Gaston: you know, when when you are becoming like, when you're not putting your energy where it should be, but then where you make a difference is again your inner dialogue and your inner dialogue is a lot to do. The missing link here is compassion like. Yes, your launch went bad. So how do I pick myself up? Well.

Ines Gaston: speak in a compassionate way towards yourself, like you would with a little child, you know, when a child learns to walk as a parent, you're not going to tell it. Get up, you dummy! Haven't you learned it yet? This is not how you learn how to walk, you have 2 legs. Use them for crying out loud. That's not how you talk to children, but yet here we are as grownups doing that to ourselves.

Ines Gaston: Right? So it's really that part like the compassion. And then it's okay to scroll on your phone because you're having a moment. But don't get stuck in it.

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: Don't. Yeah, don't! Don't spend more time scrolling on your phone and.

Ines Gaston: Yeah, exactly.

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: What you need.

Ines Gaston: Yeah, it's like, and and I found an example of kindness like, okay. So something went wrong. Okay, let me just completely rebrand everything I get that

Ines Gaston: with.

Ines Gaston: you know, Candace, that's your pattern. You're aware of it. You have good measures into place to avoid spending way too much money on something that is absolutely unnecessary, which is beautiful. But it's still just, it's it's your pattern, and it will always be your pattern. It's just understanding. Where does that pattern come from? Why, why do I have this pattern? And then just showing yourself some grace and some compassion, and then reaching out to a friend like Gail and say, like, Hello, I'm in the face again.

Ines Gaston: Talk me out out of it, because otherwise I'm gonna spend

Ines Gaston: you know. So it's just. And that's the thing like. Be give yourself, Grace. Give yourself Grace. We're humans. We we don't need to be perfect all the time. We don't need to be happy all the time. We don't need to be super successful all the time, because there's no lessons there. The lessons are really in. What do we do, and who do we know? And how do we show up when we're not in that space, even though we strive to be there all the time? It's, you know the action is below, not up there.

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: That's amazing. And I I think so so true. You know, I think you have to have a group of trusted people around you who understand what you're going through, that you can just chat to if you need.

Ines Gaston: Yes, yeah. And and I'm going to throw one final scientific nugget your way. And that is so important, especially for solo entrepreneurs. The key to longevity is an equality of your relationships.

Ines Gaston: And I think, as entrepreneurs. It's very difficult, like it's a profession that requires a lot of vulnerability, because honestly, we are being constantly mirrored feedback about ourselves, and

Ines Gaston: it's very important that you find people where you can be very vulnerable with where you can have these conversations as I'm like, I had this launch and it failed, and I just feel crap. And I don't know what I'm doing anymore. My God! The times that I was. I mean, I've been in the business for 8 years.

Ines Gaston: There were 3 moments in my life where I was, this close to giving up and getting a job again, because I was like, I'm done. I'm tired. I can't do this like nobody cares. It's not worth it, and I'm not making the money that I thought I was going to make, and then I have my friends who really put me down in a very sometimes.

Ines Gaston: you know very direct way, sometimes a nice way.

Ines Gaston: But who remind me? Like, yeah. And and then what like? And then what what are you going to do in a 9 to 5. It's going to kill your soul. And then what? You're not going to be able to travel anymore. You're not going to have people, you know that you're changing their lives for. And those are like the little light point moments you need people around you and really good quality relationships. When you second, guess everything and and everyone that they are reminding you of who you are and why you started this journey. In the 1st place.

Candice - Your Social Funnel: Oh, that's amazing enough.

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: I love that.

Candice - Your Social Funnel: Love that

Candice - Your Social Funnel: love it. And and for our listeners, Ines can be that person for you, because clearly, and I just love it when she was like, I could talk about this all day long, you know. That's when you just know someone's like so passionate about what they do. And clearly you. You just have this rich and deep understanding of the human experience and resilience, and and also which is which is unique also, how it

Candice - Your Social Funnel: blends into being like an online business owner, you know. So for our listeners, we have all of details, and how you can get hold of her. She also, I know, has a program where she works with this and business owners. We will drop all her links, and every way that you can find her, follow her, get hold of her? And because yes, you know all the practicalities. Have I got a website? Have I got my

Candice - Your Social Funnel: branding? Have I written my launch emails, you know. Yes, the practicalities are important, but

Candice - Your Social Funnel: I think what we often overlook is that I'm the person in the business, you know, and the things I have to like, fill myself up with, so that I can do all these things, and like I always feel like I say, you know, you just have to have resilience like you have to have resilience as a as a business owner and as a human being. So

Candice - Your Social Funnel: Ines it's been an absolute pleasure to meet you. I could also listen to you all day long. Thank you so much for coming on to our podcast and sharing your passion and your knowledge with us

Candice - Your Social Funnel: gaily. Any last thoughts or anything you wanna you wanna say.

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: Bye.

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: thank you, Ines, thank you for being 1st a client, and what I would consider a friend. Ines and I actually met up in Cape Town the last time she was out. So yeah, thank you, Ines. I've loved working with you, and just

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: Ins and I go backwards and forwards fairly regularly on all sorts of things. So yeah, you know, if you're feeling in a vulnerable space, if you want to learn more, do connect with Ins and also Candace and I love chatting to people we love speaking about our shared experience in the online space. It's not easy, but

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: it's it. You know what if you can just show up and you just keep going like I was just saying like things are starting to work. Things are, you know, so so don't give up and talk to us. Talk to somebody, connect with Ins, and we will see you next week.

Ines Gaston: Thank you so much, lady. It was a pleasure. Thank you, for making me feel so welcome and good luck with your journey.

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: Right.

Candice - Your Social Funnel: Thank you.

Gail Starr - Your Brand Genius: Okay? Bye.

Ines Gaston: Bye.